Jessica

I really can't stand those dumb-ass mtv dating shows. They are so scripted and pointless....On another note Coffee's On was sold today. I hope I get to keep my job, I think I will but you never know. This also might turn out to be a really good thing.

 Wow...


It has been 138 weeks since I last posted. Maybe I should start writing in this again, or maybe I should stop slacking and do my homework since I have to work in the morning and only have 2 hours between school and work or maybe I should put a period at the end of this long long long sentence. Hope all is well and I will promise to write in this more. I forgot how good it feels to write in a journal.

I hate this feeling, between wanting to puke and pass out at the same time. I feel like I have a shit load to do but I'm having trouble motivating myself to get anything done. Tonight is one of those nights where I just want to lay in bed and cry and just fall asleep. And I just want to feel better, I want to feel acomplished and I just want everyone to be happy.

Why does life have to be so complicated?

I feel dead and exausted all at the same time. Today was one of those days that just went by in a blur. Work on boring and mindless. School was well.. school. I don't like my music teacher.. she's kind of rude. I'm excited to be dancing on saturday, I made an appointment to get my hair done. I want a pedicure and manicure but I'm too cheap. I don't know well see I get paid on friday. Anyways...I just want to sit on my ass and watch a movie.

I think we should all rent a beach house, that would kick ass, I need to go to the beach it feels like its been a while.

I feel like I worked too hard on a project and the grade is not going to reflect my effort.

It seems like everyone is kind of down lately...But things will get better, it just takes time.

Hey Everyone,

So school is ok, I dropped a class so instead of 17 credits, I'm taking 14. Which I really do not mind having a smaller school load because I'm also working this quater. I'm taking Music for the Educator, Human Development, Poltical Science and lap swim again. Which I have such a great time in my swimming class that I decided to take it again, I just wish that it could be at a different time of the day.

Dad fixed my car this weekend, now I just have to insure it tomarrow so I can drive it to school. Hopefully they will insure it becuase we still don't have the title yet. But anyways I'm really excited to have a car that works(as far as we know) Besides putting in a new alternator dad replaced the fan belt, changed all the fluids and cleaned the engine a bit. I took him and mom out to dinner tonight, I really appreciate him working on the car and paying for it all. Oh it just makes me so freaking happy!

Anyways I should get going, I need to work on some school stuff, I was going to knit but I think I left my knitting bag at Josh's house. At least I hope I did becuase its not in the van or my room. Tomarrow I have an eye appointment, I hope I don't need glasses or anything of that sort. Dad is having eye sugery on tuesday, I hope that all that goes well.

But until next time have a good weeke or whatever the time period is until I write again. And I shall post a picture of the car when I get around to taking one.

Hey everyone...

I have been way to stressed out lately. My face is broken out, my hand has acted up again and I have a cold to put on top of it all. But I feel better now that my math final and psyc final is over. Those were both today, math went horrible, psyc went fine. But my room is a filthy mess, I have had no motivtion for anything it seems. I think the nyquil I took about a half hour ago is starting to kick in. I'm excited for a full nights rest.. Tomarrow is my swimming final, but I think I'm going to talk to the teacher, I really don't feel like swimming when i can't breath. Then on wensday is my history final, I will be so excited for break.

Not to mention I love the Christmas season. Ohh hey Miriam! I found a place where we can play pool for free and its non-smoking not to mention theres hardly anyone there. I think we should get together and do something next week. I hope you got my email. To everyone else I hope that your finals are going well and are not to stressful, its almost christmas break! Hope all is well. Just Jess

Today was good and relaxing in a way almost.

Woke up, was great, really didn't want to leave or get out of bed but I did. Could have layed there for at least another 2 hours with him.

went to school, understood my math homework, lapswiming class was nice and relaxing yet tiring. Came home, did math and history homework, did a load of laundry, took a shower and went to work.

Work went by fast, made a decent number of tips for a night shift. Talked to tom and some other customers for a while. I was on bar so I was doing a butt load of stuff I finished 15 minutes early.

Came home, left messages on peoples phone, watched the beginning of Moulin Rouge with my father, it was great because he was laughing at all the songs. Ate some good pizza for dinner. Talked to Laura for a while, miss her. Talked to Aimee for a while, miss her. And I just took a bath and am going to study for a psyc test tomarrow and start a scarf for my cousin, if I can figure out how to start it. Hope everyone had a good day!

So worked sucked today, it was great from 6:00 till about 12:00. Some guy came in and left us a 20 dollar tip, and it wasn't an accident. So I made quite a bit in tips, but the crappy thing was when Shannon came in from her vacation. It looked bad becuase I just started to take my break, and when Jamie was taking hers a lady came in and ordered like 13 drinks, which in the process of making those drinks I ran out of Egg Nog, Hot Chocolate and a whipper, so there were alot of dishes in the sink, a coffee pot needed to be reset and just some other random stuff. But Shannon was over-reacting, I don't think she knew that we were just staring to take our breaks and of course its her first day in, in 4 days so theres a bunch of stuff on her desk and I just think she made a bigger deal out of it, then there really was. So that sucked. I hate it when I feel guilty, but I was working the whole time.

I just ate leftovers, they were good. And now I must begin some homework since its friday.. Good night all.

Hello everyone! I just wanted to wish you all a happy thanksgiving. On the opening page of MSN messanger, it says that you eat an average of 4,500 calories on thanksgiving. But what can ya do...

Anyways, went and got coffee with Laura, had a good three hour talk, I miss talking and hanging out with her. I need to find a weekend to go up to Bellingham. Too bad we did not get to hang out more, while she was here.

I registered at Clark on tuesday, which makes me happy because now its over and I know what my schedual will be. And I need to write dad a thank you card or do something nice for him since he's paying my tuition.

I have to work tomarrow from 6:00 to 2:00. Which will be the longest shift I have ever worked. I hope its not very busy, but at least I'm working with Jamie. I really enjoy going to work most of the time. I just hate it when I have stuff here to do at home and I feel like I should be doing other things. But its very nice to get a pay check twice a month. Kari you should come and visit us when I'm working. Its sad that we only got to work one shift together, but it was fun.

None of my homework has gotten done yet, I have two history papers, math homework, which I need to do before I forget how to do it, and a psyc chapter to read and answer questions. I did pass my final fluency test, which means that I never have to take one again, which is a good thought.

I missed Survivor and CSI tonight, which makes me sad. CSI was suppose to be a good episode. But alas I should go and work on homework and I really want to finish that stupid green scarf because I'm so done with that project. I miss josh, it seems like I havn't really seen him lately. Except we had dinner together last night for a little while. I really wish that I didn't have to work tomarrow morning, I just want to go over to his house wake up whenever I want next to him. Yeah call me a sap, I know I am.

Hey guess what! Its the christmas season!

Just so we are all clear, I did not write that last entry, Josh did. I stopped doing his laundry when he would take a clean pair of pants out of the closet and decide that he didn't want to wear them, so he threw them in the dirty laundry. Besides the point, I love spending time with him and he makes me happy.

Anyways I really do not have a lot of time to write, I need to do some homework and go sit on the crapper for a while. Not to mention I need to figure out what classes I need to register for tomarrow. Have a good day all.

You know that I have tried updating twice in the last several weeks, and it just didn't post it and I lost it all. But really nothing was ever very intersting to post and it just wasn't worth typing again. So here I shall try to post again.

Went to the Seaside last night with Alyssia and Miriam. It was fun, I had a good time and I needed the beach. It just makes life so much better, I don't know I can't really explain it. We got to seaside at about 10:00 at night and the best part of the hotel was the pool was open 24 hours. So we played some cards and went down to the pool. I ended up hitting the side of the pool with my tooth and chipped it. You can't really tell but I can feel the difference. Then the next day we went and walked on the beach, had a nice lunch, played some airhockey/ddr/skeeball etc.. Went to the hat shop, fudge shop and then played some pool. And came home.. bottom line I had a good time.

Tonight I rented Eternal Sunshine and bought some cheap bubble bath. Bubble bath was good I used a third of the bottle, Eternal Sunshine was intersting in a way that I can't really describe. It really got me thinking about life and relationships. I'm feeling very introspective about life lately, I wish I knew why. But isn't that the point of life to think and ponder about life. "The meaning of life is to ponder the meaning of life" I think thats what we came up with. I miss the beginnings..But I'm not going to get into it all because it seems like the last couple times I wrote I was depressed and winey, but I don't feel that way tonight.

I finished all my homework thats due next week for the most part on friday day and know I have none to do tomarrow, I'm excited! I have to work and then we'll see what happens. You know what movie I really want to see.. Alfie. Anyways I think I am going to work on some of my other homework and go to bed.

So I got hired at Coffee's On. I go in on Tuesday to get my hours and go over some other stuff. Scary I'm going to be working and going to school at the same time. I feel like my life is changing, scouts just is not the same. It feels like nothings the same anymore, the way I am with friends, the way I am with my parents and grandmother. I guess this is growing up and realizing that the worlds just not perfect anymore. I really did have the life when I was in 8th grade. School was easy, I had a mother to confide and be with. I know I can still confide and be with her, its just not the same, I wish I could be a kid again. I used to think that the worst thing that could happen to me was that I was going to loose my mother and I almost did and now that I look back and reflect on it, that whole experience really had an impact on me. It scares me to think how I was when that happened. It was like I didn't feel anything and nothing mattered. I was never happy and I was never sad. I just see how it changed my life. Now I know that the only way I can deal with this is to help myself and I'm trying. I really don't know why I just wrote this, but when I sat down at the computer this is what came out. I think about it alot, without realizing it.

I feel like updating and writing.

I have been really mellow and meloncoly today, I think its the weather, the sun needs to come back out I think. No I know the sun needs to come back out. I got a B+ in my english class, which I thought I was going to not pass with a c. Oh well done and over with. School needs to start so I have something to do thats not cleaning, I wish that someone would hire me. I'm tired of summer, not the weather, just the time of the year. Boredom and too much time to think and dwell about things. I just feel depressed and depressing today.

I had a really different kind of dream this morning about being on a sea scout type boat and seeing orca's and then seals trying to escape since their food. Anyways I was sitting on the side of the boat and this sea lion jumped up and grapped on the railing next to me. Then I woke up and decided it was time to get out of bed. I don't know maybe it means something maybe it dosn't, could be related to the sea scout that fell and died last week? Anyways...

I know I'm a boring person, I'm sorry.

Anyways its time to go and take a bath, shave maybe make some hot chocolate/tea and watch almost famous or some movie, that I can watch in my room because my dvd player got stolen.

I'm going jogging/walking tomarrow morning.. need to not feel so fat.

So I am finally back in town for a while... I need to get a job and hang out with friends. I also need to see my parents, I miss them. My house got robbed 2 sundays ago, they took all my jewerly and some dvd cases from my room. I am really thankful that they didn't take more than what they stole. But it sucks because what they did steal didn't add up enough for the insurance company to care.

The Sunsail San Juan cruise was fun and frustating at the same time. It was nice to be with a group of people who pulled their share of work and for the most part worked well together. Victoria was fun, didn't play laser tag, but what can ya do. I think anchoring out at Stewart Island was my favorite because I was able to lay outside and watch the fish swim around with the bioluminescants (glow in the dark type stuff) and then look up and see shooting stars, it was quite the connection. I think it was also nice becuase we did not have a butt-load of people.

Then I was home for not very long....

Then I drove up to whidbey Island in the San Juans with Josh and his little brother Ben. The car ride went fairly quickly. I had a fun time, did some small boat sailing and kayaking. Hung out with the twins and other deja vu'ers. Had some drama, but whats new with that crowd right? Anyways...

Josh and I drove back last night, to find a little pomerainein puppy. Not a big fan of that type of dog but its cute and its a puppy. And its not mine... which means I do not have to take care of it. Anyways I hope everything is going well with everyone.

So I just wrote an entry and foo-barred it up.

In short...

Getting up at 5:45 for the racetrack tomarrow.

English outline is giving me crap, never really focused on a topic for my paper.

Forgot to do laundry... wearing same sweaty shirt tomarrow.

Love is a wonderful thing...

Need to not be a bitch to the people I care about...

Felt like a breadwinner this morning when I got up and said good-bye...

Really must sleep now.. good night all.

I'm exausted and tired, I think that my ankles swelled. And guess who worked at the booth next to mine at the racetrack?? Dylan! and I also saw Janet and Amber.. woo. As I was driving in and out I saw Tyler. I wanted to say hi but didn't get the chance.

So I want to cut off my hand and I also want to change my hair. I don't know, part it down the side or something, nothing drastic. But I feel the need for a change of hair.

I think that is all for now, I hope that my parents or someone comes home soon. Its quiet and I miss the dog, no one to greet me when I get home and nothing fuzzy to pet.... the cats never around. My rooms a mess but I really do not feel like cleaning it. I need to figure out some way to stay awake, otherwise I'm going to fall asleep.

Last night my grandmother won $1,000 dollars at BINGO. I was going to play with her but when I got home the van was gone. When I left at about 10:00 to see a movie with Laura my parents still were not home with the van. Oh well I'll play another saturday. Well I think thats it if anyone reads this I'm amazed becuase its really quite boring.

My ass hurts from sitting at the compter too long... So I have moved to the floor, its cooler down here at least. I worked from 3:00 to 6:30 on my english reserch paper, it sucks though becuase I was suppose to find several books on my topic at the library and I was going to go tomarrow. The assigment is due sunday and the library is closed friday, saturday and sunday. Grr I lost points becuase I was too lazy to look at the library hours sooner. Oh, well I had 100 percent in the class.

Anyways, I feel the need to go sailing or play on the river. I love summer and the warm weather, makes me think that I could live somewhere, where its like this all the time. Did I mention I was bored... Working the racetrack this weekend, it should be fun. I made about 66 bucks the last time I worked. The only crappy part is that it goes towards scout function, but whatever. Money is money... I shall go to the doctor soon, the one that I wanted is only there twice a month, which sucks, means I have to go back to my shitty, creepy doctor.

I want to go on a cruise on the river, just take some friends and go... I want to not have to worry about money and how I'm going to pay for school. Its too damn stressful..

Just so you all know... My family decided to put Ruby to sleep today. I havn't felt this shitty in a long time.

Hey everyone!

I'm sitting in the library at clark and I got here to early, so I'm killing some time since the computer is in front of me. This weekend was intersting... Worked the race track on friday and saturday. Then saturday night dad drove me to St. Helens so I could bring the reliant back on sunday. We got pinned to the dock on sunday when we were picking people up from the island, when we finally did get free we accidently hit another boat. It was quite the bump, metal was flying everywhere and the lifeline on the reliant is ruined not to mention the damage we did to the other boat which was wood! Slighty scary but exlirating at the same time. So now the coast guard is doing an official investigation and I get to have an interview with them right after this. I hope everything goes well and all of our stories line up. Really, truly I honestly believe that is was an accident. Time to go more later... Hope all is well with everyone else.

All of my finials are on wensday, all three of them. Today and tomarrow I have to write 4 essays, 2 are hard, 2 arn't so hard and I have to study for my math finial, which is always fun. The weekend went way too fast, I havn't slept in my own bed in a week and a half. I'm sure the dog has been sleeping on it, and its going to be stanky I should wash it again.

Josh and I are going to see Harry Potter at 11:00 am on tuesday, I'm excited to see it. Although I have heard mixed things about it. I know it will be good. Miriam wants to do something tuesday before scouts and I do too, it depends on how much of my finials stuff I get done today, and I have to clean my room before becuase I know it will drive me up the wall. I am offically all paid off on the bahamas trip now, that feels good.

Why don't some people realize that the reasons they don't have many friends is because of them? Just a thought, I don't think it cross's their mind. But friends are good, friends are great... I wish I could see some of my friends more often and I wish I could keep in touch with them better. The weirdest thing happened a couple weekends ago, I was driving over the 205 bridge and a little white truck drove up next to me and out popped Karis head and arm. And then I saw Kori waving in the window, it was great to see them again, even if it was from car to car. Kori and Kari we need to hang out, I miss both of you.